Pregnant and Miserable

April 2, 2019 – 35 weeks tomorrow. Everything hurts and aches and I’m in total pain. My stomach is stretched beyond what I could imagine. The skin on my abdomen is so patchy, dry, and itchy, no amount of lotions or oils can fix it. I crave water, but it hurts to drink (having a full stomach is complete agony). I pee 24 times a day (about once an hour including nighttime). I thought I was really suffering when I had a cold for a couple weeks (couldn’t breathe at night, itchy dry throat despite it being full of mucus and choking on it as I slept), but this is another level. Any position I try sleeping in hurts. I dread going to bed. I dread sitting up. I dread standing. I dread walking. I dread eating. The babies are so strong, when they kick it is debilitating. My right leg is full of fluid from my thigh down to my foot. I have Jessica Simpson cankles. It hurts to bend my right leg.. feels like my skin might rip and a bunch of liquid will rupture out. My acid reflux is miserable. I tried coughing up some mucus one morning and instead I threw up whatever was lodged in my throat burning a hole in my esophagus. My hips randomly give out. Some days I can walk, other days I need a walker. Either way, it takes an eternity for me to get from point A to point B. I am set to deliver via C section on April 19, and I am tempted to make myself go into labor earlier, but I am trying my best to just rest and keep them in for as long as possible so they can have a healthy and safe delivery. These boys are my life already, and I’d suffer for them any time. When they’re older I’ll remind them of what a pain they were to carry 😈

This is how it feels when the boys move in my belly.

February 25, 2019 – 30 weeks this week! Oops sorry, I didn’t realize it’d been so long since I updated this post. My acid reflux is back.. probably because the babies are so big now, pushing my stomach far up. At one point I was having regular bowel movements (TMI) because I was eating oatmeal daily, but I had to stop because it was spiking my blood sugar levels. That ended my daily trips to the toilet, and I was then averaging one poop every 1.5 weeks. Big news: I finally cut my toenails. I think it had been over 3 months since the last time I cut them (I’m too afraid to go to the salon in case they push the pressure points on my feet that trigger labor). I sat cross-legged on my bed and let them toenails fly as my husband went to retrieve and trash them 😂 He’s the best. I still have random, long-lasting nose bleeds, but I’m not anemic (got tested). I have to pee every 30 minutes thanks to the babies constantly kicking my bladder. At 29 weeks, they weighed in at A: 3lb 5oz, and B: 2lb, 10oz.. about a 20% difference. I hope Baby B catches up. We discovered that they both LOVE to listen to Bohemian Rhapsody, YMCA, and Mozart’s A Little Night Music (they respond with painful jabs and kicks to my belly and groin). My hips constantly give out if I sit for too long. My nose is always stuffy. It sounds like I don’t know how to breathe (remember this gem?). I miss sugar.

January 30, 2019 – 26 weeks today! Great news: my acid reflux and nausea has been significantly reduced thanks to my development of GD. Who would have thought that getting diabetes would have a silver lining? With my new, healthy diet I no longer burp acid or have any urge to vomit. I still miss my sweets though. All I want is to eat one donut (or three). Now on to my gross new development: frequent nose bleeds. They come at random times of the day and sometimes last up to 15 minutes. I’m scared to even slightly blow my nose because it can trigger a massive flow. I was taking a shower and I tasted blood– it was a nose bleed that lasted 10 minutes. I recently had a maternity shoot, and on the way home my nose started to bleed as I was driving. I constantly check my pillows because I wake up every morning with dried blood in my nostrils. My nurse said it was normal, but not sure about this. It’s pretty annoying and embarrassing to chat with a coworker and have blood suddenly drip down to my chin. Yuck. But let’s talk about something fun and totally not gross: today I pooped my weekly poop, and it was bigger than the last one. I feel so light.

January 22, 2019 – I’m almost 25 weeks pregnant! The miserableness is still there. People say it gets better, but I’m not sure they were carrying multiples. The pregnancy hormones are giving me irrational emotions. I watched Aquaman, and when they showed a pregnant Nicole Kidman I was so happy I started to cry. Then in the next scene it showed her holding her newborn baby, and I became angry and jealous that she had such an easy 3 second pregnancy. It felt so unfair as I sat there watching, but now I’m sitting here shaking my head at myself. When I watched Bird Box, the scene where Sandra Bullock is in the car with her sister and she leans over to get something out of the backseat, no f@%!ing way she could have done that so easily being that pregnant. It made me not enjoy the rest of the movie because that’s all I was thinking about. Yeah.. dumb, right? And just this past weekend I found out Boo the dog died. Even when not pregnant, this would have made me sad and maybe my eyes would have teared up, but my hormones had me wailing for this little dog I never met. My own dog even felt the pain and came over to comfort me, which made me cry even harder. One a lighter note, I finally had a real bowel movement and pooped the biggest poop I’ve ever seen (sorry tmi). It was literally the size of one of the babies at their current stage. So essentially I was carrying triples until I pooped. That night was the best night of sleep I had since Week 18 of my pregnancy.

January 9, 2019 – I am 23 weeks pregnant today, and I’m feeling completely miserable, but I wouldn’t change anything about my pregnancy. There’s a living being (two living beings!) inside me sucking the life out of me. I still feel pukey, I have burning acid reflux, my skin itches EVERYWHERE, and it feels like my stomach is constantly being ripped open from the inside. During the very few minutes of the day when I feel somewhat normal, I panic. Uncomfortable misery means the babies are alive and well. When my body feels “normal,” my paranoia sets in and I fear the worse. So please keep growing, please keep depleting my body of all nutrients, and please keep jabbing me in my ribs, baby boys. Mommy needs to know y’all are still there to kick her when she’s feeling miserable.

Congratulations! You're going to have a tough pregnancy!
Congratulations! You’re going to have a tough pregnancy!

Week 3 – Pregnancy confirmed

Week 4 – Nausea sets in; Metallic aftertaste after eating anything and everything

Week 5 – Still nauseous; Metallic aftertaste still there; Acid reflux gets worse.

Week 6 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Abdomen area starts to itch. I wake up to pee 4 times a night.

Week 7 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Gnarly rash breaks out on abdomen and lower back

Week 8 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Rash is scratched raw, in complete misery. I go to the gym and try to do squats. I usually squat 135lbs. I once maxed at squatting 195lbs. This week I can barely squat 65lbs. I cry inside.

Week 9 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Rash spreads from abdomen and lower back to shoulders, chest, thighs, hands, palms, feet, soles, calves, groin, and even butt crack (yes, I wash it and it still itches).

Week 10 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Rash; I can no longer do a pull up. I cry inside.

Week 11 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Rash; Constantly choking on my own spit now thanks to my acid reflux. The laser hair removal I got 6 years ago is starting to reverse itself.

Week 12 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Rash; Everything smells bad to me. When I have the urge to burp, I don’t know if it’s going to be an actual burp or vomit.

Week 13 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Rash; Climbing one floor on the stairs feels like running a marathon. It hurts to bend over or crouch. I can’t touch my toes. My toenails are getting long.

Week 14 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Rash; Breathing is hard.

Week 15 – Nausea is now gone! Metallic aftertaste still there; Acid reflux; Rash; Always short of breath now.

Week 16 – Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Rash. By now I’ve gone to ask two dermatologists, my OB, and High Risk doc about my rash. Opinions and blood tests confirm the itch is a mystery and is likely to stay throughout the pregnancy to until a few weeks after delivery. I cry inside.

Week 17 – Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Rash (red, discolored, bumpy skin) is now contained to only on the left and right side of my abdomen and lower back, but my skin is still itchy everywhere even without a visible rash.

Week 18 – Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Itchiness everywhere; I now feel the babies kicking and it’s so weird. I woke up with vomit in my throat one night thanks to my acid reflux. Sneezing sucks.

Week 19 – Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Itchiness everywhere; Constipation sets in; My fingers swell up 2 sizes. My wedding ring no longer fits. I discover that I can no longer sit or be on my feet for more than an hour at a time. Traveling is now not an option. I cry inside.

Week 20 – Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Itchiness everywhere; Constipation; I realize I can no longer see my vagina when I look down; Misery starts to take over my body– any and every position I am in (including lying down) is uncomfortable. I wake up with painfully swollen fingers every morning. Bending them is a task. Husband feels babies kick for the first time, and it is magical.

Week 21 – Nausea is back; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Itchiness everywhere; Constipation; Complete misery– It hurts to eat too much (as in I can eat half a sandwich and be okay. A full sandwich and I’m in pain). I am also now the clumsiest person in the world and trip over everything. My feet are half a size bigger. I just want to be able to poop.

Week 22 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Itchiness everywhere; Constipation; Complete misery. I see my husband lounging comfortably on the bed, and wish I could feel the same comfort in bed. I have now become the messiest eater. Crumbs used to never drop from my mouth or plate. Now after a meal, my shirt is stained, there’s food in my hair, and crumbs on my face. I am constantly dropping food. My dog is starting to gain weight.

Week 23 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Itchiness everywhere; Constipation; Complete misery. Picking up my 11lb dog feels like deadlifting 155lbs. Being kicked in the ribs by 1lb babies is really painful. I’ve gained so much weight that the bones in my feet hurt. I am always peeing. I can’t bend my fingers. I really need to cut my toenails.

Week 24 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Itchiness everywhere; Constipation; Complete misery. Finally had a real bowel movement where I pooped more than a few pebbles. Found out I have gestational diabetes, which means no more sugar or carbs for the rest of my pregnancy. I cry inside. If you see me post any desserts on IG, those are from the last few days/weeks before I found out I had GD.

Week 25 – Nausea; Metallic aftertaste; Acid reflux; Itchiness everywhere- my rash has spread again with my stretching belly; Constipation; Complete misery. Babies violently kicking and punching regularly. Now dealing with constant nose bleeds- mostly in the mornings, but sometimes I wake up with blood dripping on my pillow. My left foot has a sharp pain from supporting my weight gain. Things not to say to a pregnant woman: “Your face is chunky.” or “You’ve put on some weight on your legs.” 😭

Week 26 – Nausea and acid reflux significantly minimized with my new GD diet; Metallic aftertaste still there though; Itchiness still everywhere, and damn it is ITCHY; Constipation; Still super miserable: manageable in the mornings, but gets worse as the day progresses, and it is the worst at night right before bed. Pregnancy insomnia + constant aches and pains makes sleeping pretty rough. Once I find a comfortable position and am about to fall asleep, the babies kick and wake me up or I have to pee. Comfort only lasts about 30 minutes before the achiness kicks in and I have to change sleeping positions. Also, it takes me an eternity to change sleeping positions because it hurts so much. I need a crane.

Week 27 – No more nausea or acid reflux! Metallic aftertaste has faded significantly.  Still itchy, especially where my skin is getting stretched the most. No more constipation (thanks, oatmeal!). But still super miserable. Still can’t sleep comfortably at night. The babies fight for which side I sleep on (A is on the right, B on the left). Understandably, neither of them want to be slept on.

Week 28 – Still itchy. All-body itch is coming back. Constipation is back (off the oatmeal diet because it spiked my blood sugar levels). I just want to sleep 😭

Week 29 – Acid reflux is back. The babies are growing so big, I have no more room for my own organs so my stomach is way up in my chest. Soooo itchy. Still constipated, but pooping pebbles every now and then. Metallic aftertaste only happens when I eat peanut butter 🤔 Baby B was been breech my entire pregnancy, but he’s now vertex! Baby A has been vertex my entire pregnancy, but now he’s breech 🙁

Week 30 – Both my parents are sick, and I caught a cold from them. I usually don’t get sick, or if I start feeling sick it goes away within 2 days. Not this one. This cold is complete misery. In addition to my pregnancy nasal congestion, I can’t breathe at all. It makes sleeping almost impossible. I’m forced to mouth-breathe which dries out my throat which throws me into a coughing fit which is extremely painful on my pregnant, stretched out abdomen, and if that doesn’t wake me up at night the mucus at the back of my throat causes me to choke and gasp for air.

Week 31 – Still sick, still miserable. It hurts to sleep, sit, walk, stand, and just be awake.

Week 32 – I pee so much I use up one full ultra soft mega roll of Charmin within two days. We bought a bulk of 60 rolls of toilet paper from Costco in January, and it’s almost gone.

Week 33 – Still getting over my cold. Coughing constantly trying to spit up the leftover phlegm, and it hurts all over I want to cry.

Week 34 – Acid reflux is so bad right now. I can feel the acid in my throat all night. One morning I tried to spit up some phlegm and instead I threw up whatever acidic food was stuck in my esophagus. But cool thing about it was I also threw up the biggest piece of phlegm I’ve ever spit up in its entirety with my vomit.

Week 35 – Scheduled delivery in 2 weeks. If my water breaks early, it will probably be from trying to get into or out of bed. Who knew that could be so taxing?

This Snoogle has helped with a better night's sleep, but nothing has been 100% effective yet. I still average 4 hours of sleep.
This Snoogle has helped with a better night’s sleep, but nothing has been 100% effective yet. I still average 4 hours of sleep.

Things I used to love to eat but now have an aversion to: All soft cheeses (which I’m not supposed to eat anyway so nbd), foie gras, truffle oil, eggs, fatty meats, mayo, basically everything rich, creamy, or buttery 🙁 Going to food tastings has been a challenge, especially during the first trimester when I couldn’t eat anything and no one knew I was pregnant. Now the challenge is being able to handle a tasting that lasts more than an hour. My joints and bones hurt.

First trimester cravings: sour candy, lemonade, anything pickled (including pickles), mustard, fried rice, Chick fil A fries, watermelon, cereal, plain crackers. Most everything I bought to satiate my cravings is now going stale in the fridge and kitchen counter.

Second trimester cravings: everything potato (fries, tater tots, hash browns, mashed potatoes), white rice, pomegranates, apples (which I used to not love), peanut butter. Jan 22 – Now that I have GD, no more potatoes or white rice for me. Sadness.

With all my cravings, the joy of eating is short-lived because of the strange metallic aftertaste I get after consuming anything. It’s the worst with sour candies and peanut butter. It’s least noticeable after eating pomegranates.

Third trimester cravings: Fruit. Since I can’t eat sugar or too many carbs because of my GD, all I want is fruit, especially blueberries. Every once in a while I will crave chocolate, cookies, cake, donuts (anything sugary and carbie), but I mostly just want fruit since it has to be portioned for my GD.

My metallic aftertaste is mostly gone now. It resurfaces when I eat peanut butter.

Jan 9 – One good thing so far is that I haven’t gotten stretch marks yet *knock on wood.* These oils and lotions have been great: Weleda: Pregnancy Body Oil for Stretch MarksBurt’s Bees 100% Natural Mama Bee Nourishing Body OilL’Occitane Eco-Cert Organic Certified & Fair Trade Approved Pure Shea Butter Enriched with Vitamin E, and Earth Mama Belly Butter to Help Ease Skin and Stretch Marks (I use them all at once).

Jan 22 – Still no stretch marks. My OB says my stomach is the size of a 30 week pregnant woman, so fingers crossed I won’t get those dreaded stretch marks. My stomach and thighs constantly feel like an oil slick with all the lotions I’m applying.

Jan 30 – Still no stretch marks! Keeping my fingers crossed they never come. These oils I’m using are little bottles of miracles.

Feb 25 – Still no stretch marks, just some patches of dry skin where it’s being pulled. Been using Aveeno Hydrocortisone for the itchiness and it’s been working in relieving some of the itch.

April 5 – Can’t believe I still don’t have any stretch marks. But I do have dry spots where my skin is so far stretched that it can’t stretch anymore. And damn it’s so itchy.

April 13 – Fcuk. I got stretch marks. Perhaps using the oils delayed them. Or perhaps they minimized the stretching. Or perhaps the oils did sh!t. Point is, I have stretch marks &^$?#@!@#!

April 17 – I had the babies. If you want to read about my first few months postpartum, have at it.

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